Piteous

Piteous

Due to this horrendous streak

I’m in confession every week

Trying hard not to seethe and fume

With my children in the room

My tongue is almost bitten through

Before me things I can’t construe

That Carroll lad stupidly falling

Cringe worthy and duly appalling

I’ve a simpler solution to stalling

Put the ball in the net before sprawling

Who were Pardews lot trying to fool?

Is the keeper Dan Simpson or Krul?

Cissés second would not be denied

As he stood three or four yards offside

With Linesman inactive, the crime

Though his eyesight improved over time

Time now to regroup and retrench

“King” Kenny, he emptied the bench

That could backfire I said

Pepe using and losing the head

Poor Perch he was shot by a sniper

As Pepe bit hard like a viper

Still wounded escaped second yellow

Hauling Suarez down, dastardly fellow

Always going to be lambs to the slaughter

When no one on the team could pass water

There’s so much to improve and discuss

Played like lads introduced on the bus

It’s now become such a drag

The search for the on-i-on bag

There’s only one fix to promote

A banquet of nice curried goat

Another pitiful display at Newcastle on Palm Sunday, I don't know what was harder to endure, the longest mass of the year with two restless children or 90 minutes of sheer hell from the Loadsamoney Arena.

Alan Pardew let the cat out of the bag afterwards by announcing that the secret of Papiss Cissés success is a diet of curried goat.

Liverpool were unlucky with key decisions that went against them but when it comes to the crunch they are just not good enough.